I just completed 1000 days serving as the President of FakesLand. And Phew! What a busy time it has been. I've been up to my neck in work. All the time. It isn't easy running a nation of 50 million people, is it?

What's that snicker for? You don't believe me, do you? Ok, here's my list of achievements
  • I completed 1000 days in office. You have no idea how big an achievement that is in itself.
  • I presided over 100 celebrations (completion of 100 days, completion of 200 days, acquittal in a case of corruption, onset of monsoon, my birthday, departure of monsoon, castration of a donkey, ... and so on and so forth)
  • I conducted roughly 200 bandh's in protest against everything from the big bang to solar flares to my neighbor's cat peeing on the road-side at the exact spot where my dog is supposed to pee. “Wait a minute”, I hear you say. “If you were ruling, then who were the protests against”, you ask? Well, I don't consider it necessary to answer that question.
  • I set the world record for the number, magnitude and frequency of disruptions caused to the lives of the general public in my capital city. Considering the immense competition in this field, and the unquestionable talent and capability of my counterparts from other nations in this respect, I hold this accomplishment of mine in highest regard.

There – does that suffice? Now wipe that smirk off your face and scoot. I have business to attend to. I am planning to hold a massive rally to commemorate the 100th case of corruption registered against me. So, if you will be so kind as to excuse me …

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