This conversation took place between me and my friend when we were on an overnight bus journey from Bangalore to Shimoga.
Friend: Hey, this bus conductor is my landlord.
Me: Excuse me??
Friend: The room that I have rented in Shimoga? Me: What about it?
Friend: Well, this guy is the owner. In fact, he owns the entire building. He stays in the ground floor, and he has let out one other house and three other rooms on rent.
Me (impressed): Wow, he must be corrupt beyond my wildest imagination. How else can a bus conductor make so much money as to build so many houses!!
Friend: Hmm …. I wouldn't fault him though.
Me (sarcastically): You wouldn't. Could you be so kind as to explain?
Friend: He has four daughters. The eldest is married and two others are now of marriageable age. He belongs to a caste where the dowry demanded is in the region of five lakh rupees. How else could he afford to get his daughters married? He is even going to sell most of his property to raise the money required for his second daughter's marriage.
It took me some time to digest that. I fell silent for I did not know whether to ask a question or state my opinion on the matter.
The “fruits of corruption” in the upper strata go into posh bungalows, up-market cars, exotic vacations and the like. However, it looks like much of the “turnover” from corruption at the grass-roots level eventually finds itself in basic livelihood and dowry.
I wonder if the corruption canvas in our country would have had completely different hues had it not been for that element of dowry.
It has now become acceptable for people driving any sort of vehicle to speak on the cellphone while at the wheel (or the handle). From 2-wheelers all the way to massive lorries and buses. What only compounds the problem is cops turning a blind eye. The rules are there – but rules are only as good as their implementation.
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An acquaintance from a neighbouring state had driven to Bangalore in his car. I, along with some common friends, had gone out to lunch with him. He was on the phone more than half the time. When I tried to reason with him that it is dangerous – he laughed it off. In fact, he took it as an insult to his driving skills – an ego problem – when I implied that speaking on the phone while driving results in loss of concentration. Only when I vastly exaggerated the seriousness with which Bangalore traffic police treat such cases, and quoted more then five times the actual fine amount, did he relent.
So a well-educated fellow will follow rules not on his own accord, in the interest of road safety; but only out of fear of getting fined. The operative phrase here is “well-educated fellow”.
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I wonder what scale of disaster will it take for both, the cops and general public, to wake up to the massive dangers of speaking on the cellphone while driving.
I've always loved animals, for more reasons than I can recall at the moment. One of the things I like about animals is that since they don't possess the “intelligence” that we great humans have, they are also genuine and unpretentious. No double-standards, and generally fair (or so I believe).
There are, however, a couple of laws of the animal kingdom which we humans shun. Or do we, really?
The fight for females
Anybody who watches Animal Planet genre of programs on television would tell you that if there's one thing common to all animals, it is that the males, when they reach mating age, fight it out with other males and “earn” the right to mate with the eligible female(s). And no, this has nothing to do with The War For Women. This is what evolution is about.
Sacrifice of one for the sake of the herd
One zebra or two fall prey to the crocodiles while crossing the river; but that is precisely why the herd can complete its migration.
One deer is snapped up by the lionesses in the African bush, but that allows the rest to move on in search of pastures.
That's what “survival of the fittest” means.
How does the civilised human society take to these rules? Do we shun them? Or do we, consistent with the human trait of double-standards, shun them openly but widely adopt them anyway, albeit secretly?
Pramod Muthalik and Kannada litterateur M Chidananda Murthy have opposed the recent SC verdict on pre-marital sex. Their contention is, and I quote this from the article in ToI:
“It can happen only in foreign countries, where almost 33% of 13-year-old girls get pregnant because of such liberal laws. If the same is allowed here, we would face similar consequences,”
Err, gentlemen, I have two innocuous questions for you:
Have either of you ever hear of the term “age of consent” and do you understand how it relates to the matter at hand?
Do you have even the remotest idea how many teenage pregnancies there are in India and what role child marriages play in this statistic?
Looking forward to some enlightenment from your esteemed selves.
As per this news article, The Government of India is set to amend Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code by replacing the term “rape” with “sexual assault”. This is a welcome move for several reasons.
One: as the article mentions, it makes the law gender-neutral. The law will now recognize crimes against women, men and children. There is no mention about sexual minorities and trans-genders in the article though.
Two: As a consequence of point One, the law aims to protect homosexuals against sexual crimes too.
Three: The current law only carries significant punishment for “rape”, as in penetration – other forms of sexual assault are not treated as seriously. The proposed amendment will, hopefully, recognize non-penetrative sexual offences as equally criminal.
The Government and Judiciary have been taking positive steps as far as prevention of sexual crimes goes, and this particular one is almost a reform. Let's hope that such measures help in stemming the sexual offences. More importantly, let's hope that the Govt doesn't stop here and goes on to introduce more measures; particularly in the area of prevention of, and dealing with, child sexual abuse.
“St. Valentine gave us a message: Spread love by doing what you can to relieve people around you of their pain. And that is why we are planning to celebrate Valentine's day at Kidwai Memorial Cancer Hospital”. That's what the President of YuvaBenguluru, Kiran G told me last month when I had met him at DeenaSeva Sangha school, where I teach as part of TeachIndia; and which has been adopted by YuvaBengaluru.
Now, when he put it that way, there was no way I'd miss this opportunity to interact with ,and spread love and hope to, patients. And that's exactly what I did this Valentine's day.
Kids from the DeenaSeva Sangha school put up a cultural song and dance show for the patients. You won't believe how talented these kids are. Then, there was a gift distribution event – Kannada film star Ramya did the honours. It's always good to see stars supporting such causes (although it inevitably attracts the media and the “unruly” media behaviour). Along with fruit and soft toys, child patients were also presented with Valentine's Day greeting cards crafted by the kids of DeenaSeva Sangha school; and also a lamp with paintings by the kids again.
I saw several kids at the institute with shaved heads. I assume they have some form and some degree of cancer. Some were as young as 3 years I guess. But, no amount of cancer could take away their childhood spirit from them. They were playing, bursting balloons, giggling, sulking – you name it. Makes me wonder – is their innocence their best ally in fighting the disease? How many adults take their sufferings as well “in their stride” as kids do?
Anyway, participating in today's event made me “feel good” - but it is just a start. What remains to be seen is to what extent I continue to make some noticeable difference in society this year (as I have committed to at the beginning of the year). Looking forward to a year with meaningful contributions.
I came across this talk by Sunitha Krishnan at TEDIndia through this post at IndiaUncut. Sunitha, who was gang-raped at the age of 15, now works towards rescuing victims of sex slavery; and she has rescued more than Three Thousand girls and women till date, often at great risk to self and colleagues in the form of violence from traffickers. This talk is about her fight against this lowest form of human abuse. I'm embedding the video here.
WARNING: This video has a few graphic slides and is Not Safe For Work. Moreover, it is pretty hard-hitting.
The take-away for me from the speech was the point that Sunitha put forth so forcefully towards the end of her talk – and that is this: The biggest hurdle to rescue and rehabilitation of people who have been sexually exploited; is the so-called “Civil Society”. A society which, keeping with it's notorious trend of hypocrisy, refuses to accept a victim of sexual abuse. A society that completely cuts itself off from a victim of sex slavery. A society that only further victimises the victim.
Is it so hard to realise that the girl was raped, trafficked or enslaved for no fault of hers? Is it so difficult to digest the fact that she has as much a right to lead a normal life post the incident as any of us? Is showing some compassion for such victims really such an unthinkable proposition?
I've written a couple of posts previously on this topic, but I have only been harping on the “raising awareness” part, but not been doing anything. Here is my chance to really do something about this. I have decided to implement what Sunitha appealed to us to do in the video – talk to people about this; get them to change their mind-set, get them to accept rescued women in mainstream life – in jobs, as household help.
Supporting Sunitha in this fight does not necessarily mean going out and rescuing girls. What she needs from us is a far more challenging task and that is to change the way our “civil society” treats the victims. Let us resolve to start sowing the seeds of change in this regard.
Looking forward to a society where the victims; not the criminals; feel safe and welcome!
Dealing in drugs, liquor, adulterated food, pirated media, porn, flesh is all passe. What's the latest? Dealing in babies. How any human might want to sell her own baby is beyond me.
Perhaps it is the poverty?
Is it because of too many children? (this opens the topic of awareness about family planning – but that's taking this post off-track)
Is it because of the demand for baby BOYS? (so people who have a girl child sells her – which they perceive to be more humane than killing the foetus or the new-born infant; and people who don't have a baby boy are ready to pay for one)
Where do childless couples come into the picture?
Whatever the reason, baby trafficking is a HUGE blot on an already blotted society. The fact that it is a booming business speaks volumes about our character and our humanity. What can WE do about this?
Looking forward to a society which treats its children better than mere commodities!
In a recent post; I had posed a question (that I had been asked by a British couple): “Are you happy with your country?”
I got quite a few responses. Among these, the very first one (by Mihir Modi) is very close to what I had in mind when I responded. I just could not express myself as well. And well, most of the responses were along similar lines – that there are problems; but every country has them; and that people are happy with India.
However, I was not convinced with that answer. Somehow, for some reason, I could not convince myself that I am indeed happy with my country. And that is when two other comments came in (by Deepak and IndianHomeMaker). I agree with their comments. Now, its all very clear to me.
I love my country and am strongly patriotic. I know we have lot of potential to make it big in any field. BUT, I am not happy with the current state of affairs in my country. Not even close to. There are too many things that are wrong. Forget about politicians or the other “hated” breed of people. I am not happy with even the common man. The way we common people vote, drive, conduct ourselves, practice the highest degree of hypocrisy - we just may deserve the detestable politicians that we get.
This does not mean that I should sit and crib. No. I want to do my bit in improving things around. I want to play my role in a slow revolution. I want to show the world what We, as Indians, are capable of. But the answer to the original question is: "No- I am not happy with my country."
I leave you with this video of actor Rahul Bose giving a speech (at OASIS 2k9, BITS Pilani) on what his Dream for India is. Do watch it if you have not already.
I'm pretty bored with the mundane driving experience in Bangalore (dodging cows, people, autos, sweepers, what-have-you) everyday. Diwali gives me an opportunity to test my driving skills; which begins with spotting the cracker bang in the middle of the road. I get the chance to test my alertness levels; scanning the footpaths (well – whatever is left of them) for any sign of a person holding an incense stick or a matchbox. These are pointers to crackers on the road. And the fun that I have avoiding these crackers and driving on! Boy-oh-boy!!!
Weeding out the sick and elderly from our population:
Our population is bloating. And there are many who are sick, who have asthma. Bangalore is polluted enough even without the fireworks. Now we have a chance to choke them even further. Then, there are people who have heart problems. It gives me sadistic pleasure to sometimes drive very close to them and then honk loudly. The look on their faces! Heaven. And in spite of all this, such people want to stay on in the city. How dare they? I am glad that God gave us Diwali which is an excuse to weed out such people from amongst us healthier, more responsible citizens. Now I can burst these fireworks right in their faces so they either collapse because of the pollution; or get an attack because of the sudden explosion of the fireworks!
Opportunity to take revenge on my neighbours:
I vividly remember the time when my next door neighbor parked his horse in front of my gate. The mutt! Now, what better time than Diwali to get back at him? I can fire those rockets at will – in whatever direction I wish. Yesterday I fired 2 into his balcony, one into his bathroom; and one under his car. Serves him right – the wretched fellow. But oh! This is Deepavali. I should not be having such negative thoughts. But anyways .. what is done is done. God bless him.
And this list is just the top three reasons! Now, let those “Please-have-a-fireworks-free-Diwali” types better THAT! Ha!
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Update [20th October '09]:
In case you are wondering what the other reasons I love fireworks might be, well here are some
The current flood situation in Andhra Pradesh, the worst in over a century, have caused damage to the tune of Rs. 12 Thousand Crore; according to the Andhra Pradesh government (news link here). The state government has sought immediate assistance of Rs. 6 thousand crore from the centre.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in India, Mayawati intends to spend a whopping Rs. 2600 crore on statues and other structures in honor of various leaders in UP. And then, while reading another article, I came to know that there are plans to build a statue of Shivaji in Mumbai at a cost of Rs. 350 crore.
There – I have already provided the source for 50% of the flood relief budget – and we're just done with statues and just two states. Need I say anything more?
Oh yes – I do. What would Dr. Babasaheb Ambedkar or Chhatrapati Shivaji themselves prefer in such a situation? That some lunatics build their statues when lakhs of people are homeless? Or divert the funds to help the needy?
Union Minister M K Alagiri came to the aid of 18 Tamilian tourists from Pallipalayam who were stuck in the floods in Andhra Pradesh, says this article in ToI.
I suppose contacting the minister was an act of desperation by the unfortunate tourists who, I'm sure, would want to shake off the entire episode as a bad dream. Imagine being caught in the middle of one of the worst flood in South India in recent times!
But, as you might have guessed, the flood situation is not the topic of this post. Then what is?
If some Indians are in a soup in a foreign land (for example, have lost their passports etc); then it is the duty of our embassy there, and of our Government here; to ensure the safety of those Indians.
If some Indians are being harassed or mistreated in a foreign land, then it is the responsibility of the embassy and the Government, to demand the safety of the Indians from the government of that foreign country.
Going one step further, if a person from State A within India is in State B; and is being harassed there on the basis of his origin – Yes – then maybe the state governments need to step in.
But, playing the language card when there is a natural calamity? M K Alagiri may have done the right thing by expediting the rescue of those eighteen Tamilian tourists; but what about the lakhs of others (especially people from Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka) who have been the victims of nature's fury during the past few days? Another way of asking this question: Should I show my humane side only when the person in trouble is my lingual sibling? If the Union minister had the resources at his disposal to be able to rescue people trapped in the floods, why use this power only to rescue people of his own state? You belong to a country, remember? It's named India. There are 28 states in this country in addition to your own. And we aren't even talking about Union Territories yet!!!
And oh, replace “language” or “state” in the rant above with any of the following; and my question still holds:
Religion
Caste
Creed
Nationality
.... and the list goes on and on ..
Looking forward to a country where our nationality and our Indian-ness is our primary identity (err .. am I hoping for too much?)
According to this news item in today's ToI, Poland has approved a law that mandates castration of child sex offenders in some cases. The news item also adds in the same breath that this move has sparked criticism from human rights groups.
Two points I want to raise here:
One – Heinous crimes call for heinous punishment! Why can't other countries around the world take such concrete and seriously tough steps to curb the menace of child sex abuse?
Two – The part about criticism from human rights groups had me thinking: Can an adult who mercilessly sexually abuses a child really qualify as “human”? Why can't human rights groups look from the child's point of view for once?
Looking forward to a humane world which treats its children as human too!
We all have heard about blood cancer and lung cancer. But, ever since I came to know that my close friend Lai has “nose cancer”; I have been discussing with friends and I came to know about forms of cancer I had never heard about – cancer in the knee-cap, in the esophagus.
Another very prevalent form of cancer about which awareness is only recently increasing is breast cancer. In the past five years, I have known of about eight women who have lost their lives to B-cancer. All Indian, most of them middle-aged. I always used to hold our culture and women's attitudes responsible in equal measure for this. Its not only about awareness. Its also about the social outlook towards the problem. We Indians being notoriously conservative in all these (often wrong) matters; the problem is only compounded. People (both women and their husbands) shying away from consulting doctors; and self-examination being either unheard of, or worse – people having partial and wrong information about self-examination. After all, its our great culture, I used to think, where even using the B-word is taboo (if you haven't noticed, I'm even using “B-word” .. instead of .. well .. the B-word) – let alone getting oneself examined for cancer.
But that was before a friend told me about yet another form of the disease – testicular cancer. A few days after I came to know about this, I was also pointed to former World cycling champion Lance Amstrong's story (he has survived T-cancer to become the world champion).
And now that I know about T-Cancer, I no longer blame women or culture or society for the prevalence of B-Cancer. Suddenly, I understand the hesitation, the shame, the shyness that women must be going through when faced with the prospect of an examination. I understand it is not only about the examination itself – it is also about how to face society. Which also explains the hesitation to consult even lady doctors.
However; shame, shyness, culture – none of these justify neglecting or concealing the disease, whether B-Cancer or T-Cancer. It is a matter of life or death, for God's sake! I feel that the awareness (at least regarding B-Cancer) is spreading these days – which is definitely a good thing. All we need now is a change in societal outlook towards these killers – an outlook which strongly discourages young men and women from ignoring these diseases.
On a closing note, I think we should put the internet to good use in such matters. Information regarding self-examinations for various forms of cancer is available on the internet; including videos (for example on sites like videojug). These can be used to make the youngsters more aware of these issues; which would help them take preventive measures.
Looking forward to a society which values human life more than it does shame! JAI BHARAT.
How else does one explain the urge of people to make obscenely expensive donations to the Gods, like this one, a whopping Rs. 40+ crores by a minister at Tirupati?
Here's a (wild wild ??) thought, Mr. Minister. Have you ever thought
How many under privileged people you could have uplifted with the same amount? Heck – judging by the budget of a recent school renovation project (carried out by an NGO) that I witnessed recently – I wouldn't be surprised if all the schools in an entire taluka can be completely revamped with that kind of money.
That you could appease the Gods far more and receive blessings several times greater than what you have got now, by using this amount to set right the imbalance in the society around you?
Let's not even go into the discussion about how a minister made so much money (after all, he is a mining industry baron). Let's not even go into the ethics of whether a minister should be making such exorbitant donations. The question is what the Gods would prefer – that a wealthy human makes such gestures which serve no meaningful purpose whatsoever (Come on now – what is Tirumala Venkateshwara going to do with a diamond-encrusted crown?); or they keep the spirit of God alive by spreading goodness with the same amount in the name of God!
Up until yesterday, if one asked me what it takes for anyone to get into an IIT, I'd probably say
Coaching from one of the top institutes (BASE, Brilliant etc)
Money to even enrol in these coaching institutes (they don't come cheap do they?)
And of course, the indispensable trio of talent, hard work and determination.
But that was yesterday. If one asks me the same question today, I'l probably mention only and only the last point. For, a Government Junior College in Hyderabad has busted the myth regarding the first two points.
The students at the Andhra Pradesh Social Welfare Residential Junior College are from the extremely poor sections of society. They are children of daily wage workers, and many of these students have spent their childhood grazing cattle or toiling away in farmlands. The college itself runs in a small 5-room building and boasts of little to no infrastructure or facilities. And what is so special about this college?
Of the 35 students who are passing out from the college this year, 19 secured top IIT ranks. 7 of them are actually headed for IITs and the others have secured admission in reputed institutes like Indian Institute of Space Science and Technology (of which Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam is the chancellor).
This college is a model – of how “getting things done” is far more important than “patting one's own back”. I am sure any private institute would have used such an achievement as an excuse to waste newsprint by the kiloton, and shout from the top of their voices in an attempt to assert themselves as the “best coaching institute in the country”. And the private institutes would not have stopped there for sure – they would also have used this as an opportunity to hike their fees. And to think that the principal of this particular college gave all credit to students! As the news article puts it:
A beaming principal E Lakshmaiah modestly attributes the success more to the hard work and determination of the students than the alma mater. “The facilities are bare minimum here. But despite that, our students succeeded in the highly competitive nations-wide tests,” he said.
I feel the Andhra Pradesh Social Welfare Residential Junior College deserves all the credit it is getting – so do the students who study there. In an era where education is fast turning into a lucrative business rather than an essential service; and when seats at professional courses are sold, exhorted or auctioned; this particular college is standing out from the crowd and doing a real service to the nation. Hats off to them.
Looking forward to an India where decent professional education is inclusive of the economically weaker sections of society. JAI HIND.
My pal, Mr. Professional (MP) is very upbeat about his child these days. Every conversation has to have at least a few mentions of his 10 year old daughter. Like thousands others like him, MP is a very proud parent, and wants the best for his child. He always goes the extra mile to give his daughter the best he possibly can. The best of clothes, toys, education – everything. In fact, MP revealed to me once that the amount of resources consumed by the child has been the single largest expenditure for the family ever since his daughter was born.
And now, I arrive at the real point of this post. When I met up with MP recently, he was with his Childhood Friend (lets call him CF). CF has an 8 year old son. CF has radically different views about bringing up a child. He put an entire new angle to this child-care thing.
CF insists that although he yearns to give his child the best, he does not equate “the best” with “the best that money can buy”. For example, he has chosen not to enrol his son in one of the “exclusive” schools (even though he could have afforded one had he stretched his finances a little). Instead, he has sent his son to a good middle-class school. He wants his son to interact with children from all backgrounds. And being a middle class guy himself, he believes that his son should go to a middle class school too. “There is no dearth of excellent-quality middle class schools is there?”, he argues. I think I agree with CF here.
Secondly, CF believes that a child brought up in such a protected environment will find it difficult to face the challenges of the world out there. A child who always travels in an A/C car, who has never boarded a city bus, who only rides an upmarket bike to college is out of touch with reality, he says. I am not sure whether I agree entirely with this opinion. I feel that no matter how protected a child is, as he grows, he will get acquainted with the ways of the world and will learn to stand up for himself.
CF's third point was about the child's sense of social responsibility. He feels that the trend of projecting only the best of the world to children makes them unaware of the sufferings of, and reality about their fellow human beings. His contention is that such children are less likely to do anything for the society. I guess he has a point there.
CF's final, radical punch was yet to come. He put forth a question to MP: “Imagine you had not had a child; and that you had spent all the amount that you are now spending on her, in philanthropy instead. Can you imagine how many under-privileged children's lives you could have turned around in that amount? And, can you imagine how many children's lives those kids might in tun improve when they grow up?”
I find this argument to be .. well .. far too extreme. Suggesting one not to have kids because one will end up spending a lot of money on the kids – instead, spending the same amount of money on dozens of underprivileged children!!! I mean .. if CF had suggested that – for example – imagine cutting down on the amount you spend on your kid by, say 20%; and imagine putting that money into social causes; well that would have been a far more reasonable and acceptable argument. Or would it? I wonder how CF would respond if I challenged him to undergo a 20% cut in his pay with the assurance that this amount would be used for philanthropy!
There is one thing I agree in this far-fetched point of view though. It has been my observation (and by no means is it a generalisation), that people who have come from not-so-rosy backgrounds are more active when it comes to charity – than people who have never had to struggle in their past. They would even undergo some sacrifices in order to give to the underprivileged. And by the end of the debate between MP and CF, the only take-away I had was that it might be a good thing to expose a child to the real world from an early age in order to make the child a good citizen in the future.
But hey, why am I worried about all these things? I ain't having kids anytime soon! I would like to know the opinion though, of those of you who have kids or are planning to soon. At least that way, when I bump into CF next time, I am more prepared to enter into the debate rather than remain a mute spectator!
He was a boy in his early teens. Just like millions of other boys like him in rural India, he had Zero education. He used to graze cattle in the vast Indian hinterland.
Fast forward 2 years. He now works in a BPO, speaks decent English, has self-respect and a dignified future which he can look forward to.
Does that sound out of a fictional novel or straight out of Bollywood? Then its time for you to watch this video
Stumped and pleasantly surprised beyond words, aren't you? So am I.
So, how did this happen? How did the quantam change come about? Enter: The "Rural Edge" project by SAMUHA and Foundation For Life.
SAMUHA is an NGO which has been working in the area of “Integrated Rural Development” for the past 22 years. Foundation For Life (FFL) has designed and developed a model for empowerment of the rural youth, for youth with any level of education to become employable in back-office processes in BPOs. An excerpt of its mission :
"Transforming the poverty of our villagers by providing opportunities of work, and enabling our fellow citizens – villagers of India - to thus live a life of dignity"
FFL has proved that this is not impossible.. on the contrary, far from it. FFL has already, as a proof of concept, trained one batch of villagers who are now employed in the BPO industry. Training for the next batch is round the corner.
I have now become a believer - in The Rural Edge, its vision and its mission.
How can you contribute?
The basic premise of FFL is to give basic education to the rural youth - and give them kind of a crash course in speaking English. What is needed for this is a set of very short, very simple stories in English; preferably with illustrations (a-la Tinkle). Stories which will keep the children amused for 5 minutes, and at the same time, teach them basics in English. Stories no more than 10 lines long to start off with.
If you are interested to help, please drop in a note to this email ID. I end this post with an appeal to spread the word about this initiative - one which is going to change the future of thousands of rural children forever. Blog about it, spread the word through email, by word of mouth, involve children if possible. This being the summer vacation for students, it is a good opportunity for them to get involved in something creative and at the same time of unfathomable value to the nation and its future.
Looking forward to an India full of educated, empowered and dignified youth! JAI BHARATH.
This post takes over from where this one had left off. I just had to present two more instances which troubled me a lot.
Instance 1
A fine morning a few months back. The place is a traffic signal on Cubbon Road in Bangalore. As usual, most motorists have switched off their engines since it is a long wait. Thats when the two children seize their opportunity. The older girl must be about 12 years old, the younger boy being around 10.
Off they jump, from the median, onto the road. And, start show casing their acrobatic skills! Jumping, bouncing, body-bending, flipping over several times – these two kids definitely belong to a good circus – not a traffic signal. They have the attention of everyone waiting at the signal. After performing some some really good stunts, they go around the vehicles, collecting money from whoever is ready to “pay up”.
Questions
One: Can this be classified as “begging”? Especially since the children were as good an entertainment troupe as any? Another way of asking the same question is – could the children be considered to be “earning” whatever they get at that signal?
Two: If the answer to question One is that this is not begging – the children are actually working for what they earn; then – where does that leave me – the “audience”? These children were regulars at that signal for about 2-3 weeks. So, How much and often do I pay them? Where is this heading and what does the future hold?
Instance 2
Today. I am driving home and at 10 pm, I stop and switch off the car at another traffic junction on Cubbon Road. This time, I see two women doing the rounds begging. One has an infant in her arms – the sight of which was sufficient to make me forget my principles in this regard (I am against begging – it does not serve any purpose – blah blah).
But the sight of the other woman saddened me even further. She was pregnant and her bare tummy protruded from the ill-fitting dress she was wearing. Further, I could clearly see from her expression and stance that she had absolutely no energy and she looked like she would collapse any moment. God knows how long it had been since she had eaten! I beckoned to her and handed her a 10-rupee note.
Question:
Well, I am too confused about this incident to even pose a proper question! I know that giving alms to this lady was out of pity and it was well-justified – but it did not serve a meaningful purpose. I had thought short-term.
But maybe the question is (again) – where is this heading? One pregnant woman got something to eat today – but what about the million others out there in the slums and on the streets and footpath of India? What is their fate?
To conclude – I should blame myself for I only give these things a thought when they occur – maybe a day or two more. Then, its all locked up in some obscure corner of my brain until the next such moving incident occurs! I think I need to be more compassionate – especially when the miseries of fellow human beings right in front of my eyes are concerned.
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I recommend these excellent posts on this topic for further reading:
Update: This article has been cross-posted at DesiCritics
Update 2: This article has been published at YouthKiAwaaz.
Update 3: This post has been recognized as the Best Book Review Post at Avantgarde Bloggies Award 2009.
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“Bitter Chocolate” is a book which is sure to shock the reader at every each and every page flip. The book deals with Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) in India. Through this book, the author Pinki Virani shatters every myth regarding CSA, and jolts the reader out of complacency regarding the issue. She explains the effects of such abuse on the child, and proceeds to offer suggestions – for prevention, as well as to deal with abuse. This book considers as CSA, cases where the abuser is more than sixteen years of age, and the abused is less than sixteen.
"Bitter Chocolate" is split up into three “notebooks”.
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Notebook 1 starts off with an account of the author's own childhood experience. It then touches upon scores of instances of CSA from all across the country, cutting across social strata (both of the victim and the perpetrator) and age of the victim. There are some instances where the abused is too young to even know she has been abused! Some of the accounts were disgusting enough to make me question the very notion of “humanity”. Sample this:
A lot of cases of CSA occur within the house of the child, at the hands of a person known to the child.
Boys are the target of the abusers too – and we are not talking of a one-off case here. Far more little boys are sodomized than one can imagine.
There have been cases of women being perpetrators (although this forms a small percentage)
Only a negligible minority of the perpetrators are actually “suffering” and need “treatment” (referring to paedophilia – which is an excuse often used by child abusers to get away).
Yes, the driver, liftman, security guard at school might be looked at suspiciously, and the child might be warned to be cautious of such people. But what if the abuser is a person who, ostensibly, is supposed to protect the child? What if the child is violated by uncles, teachers, grandfathers, older cousins, family friends, even brothers and most shocking of all – fathers? This is not all that rare – as Pinki details out in the book. People who are gentle, caring and smiling by day – turn predators when they find themselves alone with the child.
The sickest of all factors mentioned in the previous point is that the child is often abused by the very person who the child is totally dependent on! Thats the irony.
In many cases, the abuse does come to the notice of the family members of the child – but they often do nothing about it. Reason? Our twisted notion of the “Khaandaani Izzat” measured solely by the “purity” of its girl child. The boy victim is luckier in this respect, as the family's izzat does not rest on his shoulders, and it is more probable that something will be done about it when his case comes to light.
In a vast majority of the cases, the victim feels guilty that (s)he was responsible for what happened. And family/society does nothing to dispel this guilt. How blood-boilingly-repulsive is that?
Child prostitution and child pornography are more widespread that one might be led to believe.
This list is just an indication of what to expect from the book. It is difficult to control oneself while reading some of the examples – I often found myself closing the book in disgust or choking or wiping a tear from my eye.
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Notebook 2 undertakes a long-term study of a couple of real-life stories, thereby examining the effects of CSA on a victim. It explains the short-term and long-term effects of CSA, and how it has the potential to destroy a person's life – forever. Some of the effects mentioned include:
Physical scars and emotional insecurity (these short-term effects are pretty obvious)
Confused sexuality, promiscuous behaviour on part of the victim (this is a long-term effect where the victim might experiment with homosexuality/multiple partners in an attempt to “erase” the memory of the abuse).
Problems in family life, including emotional and sexual problems
Most destructive of all, the abused may turn predator in the long run, and when the child grows up, (s)he may end up abusing a child in turn.
The book goes on to cite the opinions of several counsellors, doctors, child psychologists on this matter. The bottom line is: CSA devastates a child and this devastation can manifest itself much later in the life of the victim.
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Notebook 3 comes round to providing approaches to prevention of CSA. But not before it touches upon the reasons the abusers have a free run in India:
For one, the laws pertaining to CSA in India are grossly inadequate. Only rape (as in, penetration) carries any significant punishment.
Secondly, the abusers are probably aware that there are very small chances of the truth coming out into the open. Even if it does, our notion of family pride ensures that everything will be hushed-up and the abuser is free to go find his(/her) next target.
The book provides examples where a judge simply refused to believe that a grandfather was abusing his granddaughter. This shows how skewed the upholders of the law are with respect to the issue of CSA.
Finally, the abuser is aware that even if a case gets to court, it is an extremely uphill task for the family of the child to prove anything. The child will have to be produced in court and will be cross-examined. It is definitely easy to confuse a child during cross-examination.
Pinki Virani goes on to provide several practical approaches to tackle the menace. These revolve around the idea that if the perpetrators of CSA are brought to book, then it could help partly in discouraging such despicable acts in the future. The approaches include
Tougher, and clearer laws dealing with CSA – starting with the proper definition, to increasing the punishment.
Child-friendly process to deal with the matter (for example, the child not having to be repeatedly cross-examined and explain the harrowing experience several times, in graphic detail, to complete strangers).
Child Protection Units (to counsel the victim of abuse) and Child Protection Courts (to handle all cases where the victim is a child).
But above all, Pinki pins the hope on responsible parenting. This includes
providing an open atmosphere at home so that the child is not hesitant to speak out is (s)he is abused,
being aware of what the child is up to, where (s)he is and such, and
most importantly, dealing with disclosure appropriately (without blaming the child for what happened).
I have just summarized some of the points – the author goes into the nitty-gritties of each of these factors.
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Yes – "Bitter Chocolate" is hard-hitting.
Yes – At times, you'd rather just quit reading the book.
Yes – the book will definitely give you several sleepless nights.
Yes – at times, the extremely graphic descriptions might be just too much to take.
In spite of all this, I still recommend one and all to read this book. For the simple reason, that unless one reads this book, one will not really grasp the magnitude of the menace. It is human nature that unless something shocks us beyond imagination, we treat it as just one of those things. If I had just read a statement that CSA does take place – I might not have reacted as strongly as I am now doing after reading the book.
"Bitter Chocolate" is a must read.
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My Personal Views on the topic:
It is my belief that an adult who sexually abuses a child does not even qualify as a human. CSA is the lowest to which humanity can stoop. Of course it has to stop. But the issue is definitely a complex one. For example, in the case where a person who is supposed to provide for the child (shelter, food) himself resorts to sexually abusing the child, there is no easy solution.
I agree with most of the approaches outlined in The Bitter Chocolate – both for prevention of CSA and to deal with it. However, something does not seem right.
Making sure the child is aware is a good thing – but then, at what age does one begin educating the child about CSA? The book highlights a case where a girl was abused even before she uttered her first word!
Educating school-going children to be wary of strangers is a good thing – but what good would children be if they are not .. well .. children? I'm not sure if it's a good thing if a child is suspicious of everyone and everything.
Early adolescence is an even more difficult time to explain about CSA. There is every possibility that the child loses the distinction between a good touch and a bad touch – thereby treating every touch as a bad one. So, we end up with a case where a child has never been sexually abused, but still tunes out of love and sex completely. Its almost like the child has been frightened into this emotional situation.
I completely agree with the author regarding the urgent need for the law to be reformed to be more child-friendly. Child Protection Units and Child Protection Courts are definitely bound to be effective.
To conclude, I think that it is the responsibility of every citizen to raise our voice against this most heinous of crimes, to work towards its prevention, and to push for reform. Remember, children are our future citizens. What kind of country would it be, where a staggering 40% of the girls and 25% of the boys have, at some point of time in the past, been sexually abused as children?
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Juts a footnote – CSA is by no means purely an Indian phenomenon – nor is it restricted only to poor and developing countries. It exists everywhere. USA is struggling to counter child pornography and some other countries like Cambodia are waging a battle against child prostitution (I have written about this at Innocence Snatched). The entire world is violating its children – and the responsible citizens of the world have to come together to eradicate CSA once and for all.
Disclaimer: This is my personal blog. All the views and opinions expressed on this blog are entirely my own and do not reflect the views of my employer, organization, relatives, friends, acquaintances or any other person/entity.
