Meet me. I am the modern, 21st century, Indian youth. I have a deep mine of knowledge about anything and everything in the world.
Forget about the Indian map, I even know the Polynesian, Scandinavian and Baltic maps by heart. When it comes to USA, I speak in terms of states and their capitals.
I know the names of coaches of all football teams in the EPL. I even know the amount for which player X moved from club A to club B.
I have in-depth knowledge of the tug-of-war going on in Silicon Valley; about the cut-throat competition between Apple and Google to gain control of the mobile market.
I can rattle off the engine specifications of German, Japanese and Korean cars to astonishing detail; heck I can even give you a crash course on fighter jets.
In spite of all this, when I watch Desh Raag on TV after a long long time, I discover that I cannot even name all the instruments used in it – let alone the names of the artistes playing those instruments!
And I write this blog post, in shame. Directed at my own self and nothing else.
I just completed 1000 days serving as the President of FakesLand. And Phew! What a busy time it has been. I've been up to my neck in work. All the time. It isn't easy running a nation of 50 million people, is it?
What's that snicker for? You don't believe me, do you? Ok, here's my list of achievements
I completed 1000 days in office. You have no idea how big an achievement that is in itself.
I presided over 100 celebrations (completion of 100 days, completion of 200 days, acquittal in a case of corruption, onset of monsoon, my birthday, departure of monsoon, castration of a donkey, ... and so on and so forth)
I conducted roughly 200 bandh's in protest against everything from the big bang to solar flares to my neighbor's cat peeing on the road-side at the exact spot where my dog is supposed to pee. “Wait a minute”, I hear you say. “If you were ruling, then who were the protests against”, you ask? Well, I don't consider it necessary to answer that question.
I set the world record for the number, magnitude and frequency of disruptions caused to the lives of the general public in my capital city. Considering the immense competition in this field, and the unquestionable talent and capability of my counterparts from other nations in this respect, I hold this accomplishment of mine in highest regard.
There – does that suffice? Now wipe that smirk off your face and scoot. I have business to attend to. I am planning to hold a massive rally to commemorate the 100th case of corruption registered against me. So, if you will be so kind as to excuse me …
In the past few months, we’ve been reading a lot about Kashmir and how the so-called draconian AFSPA is to blame for all of the valley’s troubles. We read about fresh reports of violence every day, more deaths every day. For the first time in decades, all of Kashmir was placed under curfew a few days back. The Indian Army was caught in the line of fire. Everyone from separatists to the CM of J&K laid the blame squarely on the Indian Army’s shoulders. What everyone conveniently chose to ignore was the fact that the Army was not directly responsible for even a single death in Kashmir during the past few months. The bullets were all fired by J&K police or by the battalions of CRPF! M.J.Akbar's articlein this Sunday’s ToI (reproduced on his blog - link here) helped in reinforcing my stand. Do read this article to get a crystal-clear context of the state in Kashmir. The cacophony against the Army is clearly a ploy to get the only force capable of holding the valley together, out of there; thus allowing Pak-controlled elements a free run. There are a few unanswered questions though:
Why is Omar Abdullah joining the tirade against the Army? Is it just a survival tactic or is there more to it?
What made the GoI to sit on the simmering cauldron for so long before calling for an all-party meet?
There may be a few bad elements in the Army, and there may be ill-treatment of the locals. This should not be allowed to continue. However, meddling with the affairs of the Army in Kashmir is a bad idea given the current situation and how Pakistan and extremists are raring to go. I believe the Army needs to stay - for they are the only ones capable of upholding the integrity of the region, and thus the nation.
Conventional wisdom seems to have been turned on its head. The (mad) dog that barks looks like it is about to bite … … its own self. But then, one does not expect a mad dog to know about symbiotic relationships that are vital for survival of both organisms involved, does one?
Talk of India's donation to Pakistan's flood relief has been going on for days now (latest news item being this). Questions that pose themselves as I read this article:
One: Tomorrow, if the Naxals offer a multi-crore rupee package for some natural disaster in India, would we accept? Should we accept? Remember – this is about perception, and not about the facts. According to Pakistan's perception, India is probably a greater threat to Pakistan, than Naxals are to India.
Two: Do the masses who are actually facing the wrath - the nameless, faceless victims – give a rat's a**e about any of the politics that goes behind the donation? For a person whose life is shattered, whose livelihood has disappeared overnight, does the source of the donation matter? Should it matter?
My favourite day of the year is August 16th – a day after Independence Day. Let me explain.
During the build-up to I-Day, there's a gradual increase in the intensity of the patriotic sentiment. It starts off as a ripple 2 weeks before the day; and on the eve, it is a full-fledged wave – even a Tsunami. There's an overdose of patriotic movies on TV. Every damned reality show, news channel and serial injects an element of desh-prem into its veins. Every business worth it's salt has an ad in the newspapers wishing everyone a very Happy Independence Day. Politicians are busy giving speeches reminding us about our achievements.
And I, being my competitive self, am forced to jump onto the bandwagon. As a businessman, I am forced to issue an ad in the newspapers. As a politician, I am forced to be louder than the other guy in my praise for what we established during the past year. As a TV show producer, I have no choice but to twist the story a bit to include I-day celebrations in there. And it all reaches a crescendo on 15th August.
However, come dawn of 16th August, I can finally stop pretending. I get relief from the rhetoric. I can get back to bleeding my country in whatever way I was at the beginning of August. And that is why I eagerly await 16th August.
Wishing you all a Happy Independence Day. And a happier post-Independence-Day.
Now you know the real reason for dress codes – it is the easiest way for the authorities to wield their power over the “masses”, or for men to assert their dominance over women. I can imagine the ecstasy that, say, the principal of an Engineering college in Bangalore, might be experiencing when he decrees that students are not allowed to wear round-neck T-shirts on campus. He is well aware that the rule is unfair and unreasonable. So do the students. But the very thought of the students being powerless to do anything about it – boy, that feeling must be almost orgasmic.
Cheers to our education system and to our respected, honorable “pioneers” in this field.
For all the myths about “healthy competition” in capitalist countries, reality has been exposed time and again. Every so often, some senator makes statements which accurately describe how intolerant American law-makers are towards competition from Asian countries, and how impotent they are in fairly dealing with such competition.
Well, here is one such statement, likening one of India's most respected IT companies to a “chop-shop”. The senator seems to believe in the old adage with a twist - “If you can't beat 'em, disgrace 'em”. It remains to be seen what repercussions this statement has; but knowing businesses and people, and what they think about dumb senators and their loud mouths; I'd be surprised if there is any implication at all.
This incident is shocking beyond words. The very fact that we allowed it to occur is a shame on us, our culture and our society. I dare people who always take refuge in “But, we have the best culture, tradition ….. blah blah …” to explain this.
The saddest part of it all is that there is no way to ensure there won't be a repeat of such blasphemous incidents. After all there is safety in numbers. If the offenders numbered a handful, then they could be brought to justice. If three whole villages turned molesters, then who has the guts to take on such a mob?
I always knew that medical tourism was big in India. I know how Europeans and Americans choose to have stuff like dental reconstruction done in India – since it is cheaper here. Heck, it is so expensive in their countries that getting it done in India gives them the extra money for the “bonus” vacation – the cost of surgery in India + the travel expenses + 5 start hotel for over a week – it all works out to be far more economical than getting things done in their own countries!
However, today's news puts India's medical prowess in a new light, with a 65-year old American getting his heart transplanted in India. This, after doctors in US had told him that he “would return in a coffin”. We've read about heart surgeries and transplants performed by Indian surgeons on children from Pakistan or patients from African countries. But an American heading to India for such treatment – only speaks volumes about the skill and know-how of our doctors and surgeons.
I feel our medical fraternity doesn't get the recognition it deserves. Let us hope such incidents change that.
This conversation took place between me and my friend when we were on an overnight bus journey from Bangalore to Shimoga.
Friend: Hey, this bus conductor is my landlord.
Me: Excuse me??
Friend: The room that I have rented in Shimoga? Me: What about it?
Friend: Well, this guy is the owner. In fact, he owns the entire building. He stays in the ground floor, and he has let out one other house and three other rooms on rent.
Me (impressed): Wow, he must be corrupt beyond my wildest imagination. How else can a bus conductor make so much money as to build so many houses!!
Friend: Hmm …. I wouldn't fault him though.
Me (sarcastically): You wouldn't. Could you be so kind as to explain?
Friend: He has four daughters. The eldest is married and two others are now of marriageable age. He belongs to a caste where the dowry demanded is in the region of five lakh rupees. How else could he afford to get his daughters married? He is even going to sell most of his property to raise the money required for his second daughter's marriage.
It took me some time to digest that. I fell silent for I did not know whether to ask a question or state my opinion on the matter.
The “fruits of corruption” in the upper strata go into posh bungalows, up-market cars, exotic vacations and the like. However, it looks like much of the “turnover” from corruption at the grass-roots level eventually finds itself in basic livelihood and dowry.
I wonder if the corruption canvas in our country would have had completely different hues had it not been for that element of dowry.
Urban Development Minister Jaipal Reddy has re-opened the “congestion tax” debate. Congestion tax is a concept followed in several “modern cities” the world over, including London and Singapore. It is a charge that is levied whenever you drive into the “central business district” of the city – or in short – the “heart of the city”. It works well to discourage people from driving – and use public transport instead.
Now, our honourable minister wants to follow the same model in Indian cities. Dear Ministerji,
* How about we first start a pilot phase for this initiative where the netas and babus start paying congestion charge? They either pay hefty taxes or leave their caravans and motorcades back home and take public transport. Deal?
* You say that such a model is implemented in Singapore, and hence, it should be in Indian cities too. Do you have the remotest idea how good the public transport system in Singapore is? Show me one city in India which is anywhere close to Singapore in terms of buses and metro and what not.
This is not to say that I am opposed to the imposition of congestion charge. On the contrary. However, before doing that, we need to get other things in order. It is common sense that when you tell people not to drive, you need to provide them a viable alternative.
* Improve the public transportation system, make it attractive to people from all sub-strata of the middle and lower classes. Case in point – Bangalore's BMTC, which has in its fleet, the entire range of buses right from the “ordinary” to the“luxury” (Volvos, Tata Marcopolos).
* Metro and mono-rails are good for high density corridors but will definitely fail if the last mile connectivity is not good. Also, nothing can replace the bus as the ubiquitous, reach-all-corners-of-the-city means of transportation. Hence, these must be improved (especially places like residential sectors in Gurgaon where buses are practically non-existent, forcing people to use cars)
Okay, so far I have been stating the obvious. Next is an idea that I heard as a rumour – but I think will be very effective. I heard whispers that some companies in Bangalore are mulling introducing parking charges, i.e., employees will need to pay to park on campus. This comes across to me as a pretty good idea. A few extensions to this come to mind:
1) Governments or city corporations can enforce rules that a company having more than a stipulated number of employees must provide transport facilities.
2) Industrial estates, technology parks and even large residential townships should be required by law to provide public transport. This has dual advantages
a> It shifts the onus of providing transport from the companies to the builders
b> It enables even smaller companies, which might otherwise be unable to participate in the process, to jump onto the bandwagon too.
3) Once these means of mass transportation are in place, the companies/builders can go ahead and charge parking fees/entry tolls etc.
In conclusion – borrowing successful ideas from elsewhere is a good thing, but we need to be that wee bit more innovative in giving it a Desi twist, in-line with our very unique conditions. Improve public transport, mandate companies/builders to provide transport to huge campuses. And then, introduce congestion taxes and parking charges.
It has now become acceptable for people driving any sort of vehicle to speak on the cellphone while at the wheel (or the handle). From 2-wheelers all the way to massive lorries and buses. What only compounds the problem is cops turning a blind eye. The rules are there – but rules are only as good as their implementation.
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An acquaintance from a neighbouring state had driven to Bangalore in his car. I, along with some common friends, had gone out to lunch with him. He was on the phone more than half the time. When I tried to reason with him that it is dangerous – he laughed it off. In fact, he took it as an insult to his driving skills – an ego problem – when I implied that speaking on the phone while driving results in loss of concentration. Only when I vastly exaggerated the seriousness with which Bangalore traffic police treat such cases, and quoted more then five times the actual fine amount, did he relent.
So a well-educated fellow will follow rules not on his own accord, in the interest of road safety; but only out of fear of getting fined. The operative phrase here is “well-educated fellow”.
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I wonder what scale of disaster will it take for both, the cops and general public, to wake up to the massive dangers of speaking on the cellphone while driving.
Shibu Soren takes the support of BJP to form a Govt in Jharkhand, of which he is the CM.
Scene 2
BJP moves a cut motion against the UPA Govt in the Parliament. Shibu Soren votes against the cut motion, leaving BJP red-faced and showing how clearly [edited undivided] divided the opposition is.
Scene 3 (The “clincher”)
An aide of Shibu Soren says“Guruji is suffering from Alzheimers' and did not know what he was doing”. Yes, you read that right. Rub your eyes, squint at your monitor, re-open the website or read it after having 2 helpings of your favourite beverage and you're still going to read the same thing. Alzheimer's.
So, here is a Chief Minister of a state of India, serving a population of 2 crore plus; and he has Alzheimer's? He doesn't even know what he's doing, who he is voting for or against in a parliamentary motion? That's either the scariest thing next to the movie “Exorcist”; or it's the most scoff-worthy piece of crap.
Seems to be the season of ridiculous excuses (with this one being not even a day old). Kasab must be rubbing his hands in glee. I can envisage him saying:
“I was drunk when I was shooting away at CST, but more importantly, I have Alzheimer's so I don't even remember the shooting. Or the drinking”.
Do you have any idea of the implications of such a massive arms-drop on a nation's security?
Had someone (say, a “third-worlder”) been caught doing the same in US airspace or the airspace of one of your own so-called “developed” countries, would you have been taking up his case so strongly?
Is protecting one's own country and punishing proven foreign criminals the prerogative of only the rich countries?
Looking forward to some gyaan from your intelligent and righteous selves.
Yours Sincerely,
Concerned Indian Citizen
P.S: I have a nagging feeling that you are headed the “criminal rights way”. Have you done anything that might dispel my concern?
What have been the sporting achievements of Indians during the past month and a half?
Saina Nehwal broke into the top 5 of world badminton rankings. She became the first Indian woman to do so. She was also a semi-finalist at the Badminton Asia championship held in India.
Pankaj Advani created history by becoming the first cueist ever to score a hat-trick of Asian billiard titles when he won the title for the third time at Singapore.
Well, I think I need to stop here. Because, as far as I can tell, these achievements and news items are irrelevant. People couldn't care less. We, as a great sporting nation, have more pressing matters at hand. Sania getting married to Shoaib. And, then, the question about who funded what team in IPL and where the money came from.
Long Live Indian Sports. And Long Live our dream of getting double digit medals in Olympics (for I'm sure this will remain a dream).
I'm a little late in posting about this – a village labourer from Andhra Pradesh, Narasimha Rao, has secured the 453rd rank in the IIT Entrance exams. Watch this video to know more (original youtube link here)
This is yet another instance of students from the Indian hinterland beating all odds to prove themselves in one of the toughest technical exams ever. Last year, I had written about a college which made IITians out of cattle-grazers. And now this.
Goes to show two things:
One: How much talent and determination rural India bundles.
Two: How important it is to encourage such people and revamp the education system such that mindless “coaching” and “tuition” culture makes way for more sensible and practical approaches.
The video says that Narasimha's battle is only half-won. He still needs money to even travel to the counseling, and needs to supplement the family income.
All I can hope for is that such talent doesn't go waste and that Narasimha makes it to IIT and proceeds to serve the country in his chosen field. We all need such examples of hope and inspiration every now and then to prove what difference determination can make.
Pramod Muthalik and Kannada litterateur M Chidananda Murthy have opposed the recent SC verdict on pre-marital sex. Their contention is, and I quote this from the article in ToI:
“It can happen only in foreign countries, where almost 33% of 13-year-old girls get pregnant because of such liberal laws. If the same is allowed here, we would face similar consequences,”
Err, gentlemen, I have two innocuous questions for you:
Have either of you ever hear of the term “age of consent” and do you understand how it relates to the matter at hand?
Do you have even the remotest idea how many teenage pregnancies there are in India and what role child marriages play in this statistic?
Looking forward to some enlightenment from your esteemed selves.
The Education sector in India is poised for a reform, with a new bill allowing foreign universities to set up campus in India likely to be passed in Parliament soon. There are two features of the bill which have the potential to turn the result into a huge success or a huge failure:
The foreign varsities will be free from the ambit of quota. So, one is hoping that admissions to these colleges will be purely merit-based. I only hope that Govt comes clean on this promise and doesn't end up dragging it into the quota net.
These foreign varsities will be free to decide on the fees and admission process. This might be a cause for worry. I figure the universities will need to be competitive as far as fees are concerned in order to attract students; but I cannot convince myself that the colleges will not fix exorbitant fees (or that even if they do, people will not flock to these colleges).
There is a third provision in the proposed bill; which is aimed at preventing the repatriation of the profits made from Indian campuses outside the country.
We'll have to wait and watch if Indian students and the foreign universities can turn this into a mutually beneficial situation; or if it disintegrates into yet another money-making, out-of-reach-for-even-middle-class education” industry”. Time will tell.
I like the new concept of Human Rights. Its called criminal rights. I can now do whatever I want and escape punishment on humanitarian grounds.
I can indiscriminately open fire at India's largest railway station, kill hundreds of people, wage a bloody war and terrorize a city of crore-plus population; and yet nobody can give me speedy punishment in spite of ample proof. Humanitarian grounds. I am more of a human being than all those dead. Criminal rights you see.
I can abuse children in every way possible – emotionally, financially, physically, sexually. I know Govt's will never strengthen the law to deter me from doing so. My humanity quotient is more than that of all those children put together. Criminal rights you see.
I can set up a chemical factory in a state capital, commit heinous ignorance that results in gas leaks, kill or permanently maim tens of thousands of people; and simply exit the country casually. Even a quarter century later no-one in the judicial circles is going to give a damn. I have more “human rights” than tens of thousands of victims put together. Criminal rights you see.
Thank you “Humanitarian Grounds”. Thank you “Criminal Rights”. What would I ever do without you?
Disclaimer: This is my personal blog. All the views and opinions expressed on this blog are entirely my own and do not reflect the views of my employer, organization, relatives, friends, acquaintances or any other person/entity.
