It makes driving on Bangalore's roads exciting:
I'm pretty bored with the mundane driving experience in Bangalore (dodging cows, people, autos, sweepers, what-have-you) everyday. Diwali gives me an opportunity to test my driving skills; which begins with spotting the cracker bang in the middle of the road. I get the chance to test my alertness levels; scanning the footpaths (well – whatever is left of them) for any sign of a person holding an incense stick or a matchbox. These are pointers to crackers on the road. And the fun that I have avoiding these crackers and driving on! Boy-oh-boy!!!
Weeding out the sick and elderly from our population:
Our population is bloating. And there are many who are sick, who have asthma. Bangalore is polluted enough even without the fireworks. Now we have a chance to choke them even further. Then, there are people who have heart problems. It gives me sadistic pleasure to sometimes drive very close to them and then honk loudly. The look on their faces! Heaven. And in spite of all this, such people want to stay on in the city. How dare they? I am glad that God gave us Diwali which is an excuse to weed out such people from amongst us healthier, more responsible citizens. Now I can burst these fireworks right in their faces so they either collapse because of the pollution; or get an attack because of the sudden explosion of the fireworks!
Opportunity to take revenge on my neighbours:
I vividly remember the time when my next door neighbor parked his horse in front of my gate. The mutt! Now, what better time than Diwali to get back at him? I can fire those rockets at will – in whatever direction I wish. Yesterday I fired 2 into his balcony, one into his bathroom; and one under his car. Serves him right – the wretched fellow. But oh! This is Deepavali. I should not be having such negative thoughts. But anyways .. what is done is done. God bless him.
And this list is just the top three reasons! Now, let those “Please-have-a-fireworks-free-Diwali” types better THAT! Ha!
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Update [20th October '09]:
In case you are wondering what the other reasons I love fireworks might be, well here are some
- They give me an opportunity to render several people nearly blind (including pregnant women)
- They ensure that pets and animals have a particularly bad time, both physically and mentally
- Hey - I might as well burn a power transformer or 2 - nobody will ever know. They might think I'm just bursting crackers!
