The Head-Smashing "Survey"

Really, what's with nutcases who take something obvious and package it as news, announcements, surveys and more?


Just pick up the newspaper following any terrorist activity – and you'll see politicians right up to the Honorable Prime Minister giving statements like “Prima facie, it appears to be the handiwork of terrorists”. Oh REALLY?? Damn .. and here I was, thinking that the strays were celebrating animal Diwali!


Then, we have a new survey almost every day in the newspaper – which claim to have unearthed some sacred truth – like this survey which has reached a conclusion that dudes driving and text-messaging at the same time are more likely to meet with an accident than those who don't. Oh bloody freaking WOWWW!! Who would've figured THAT out?


I can clearly see where this is heading. The day is not far when we will see a news report that will read something like this:


The Bangalore-based company “Ridiculous Surveys” has published the findings of its latest study titled “Study on Human Reaction, Resistance and Resilience to Head-Smashing”. In the report released today, the company claims it has found that Nine million, Nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety samples out of the 10 million surveyed, died when their heads were smashed with a 30-kilo block of stone or concrete.


It has also revealed that the 10 who survived were empty-headed and hence their skulls acted like an elastic band; thereby absorbing the energy. George Bush, former president of USA, is reported to be one of the survivors. So, is a certain Mr. Saif Zali(m) Ardari, who is also a President just like George Bush (not to be confused with the honorable President of Pakistan – Mr. Asil Ali Zardari – whose mention in this article has nothing to do with this news) but the country over which he presides is unknown. The study concludes that beating a person's skull to pulp will almost definitely kill him or her.


Any similar news items/surveys you have come across (or foresee ;) ?


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