Horizons - Filled with Hope

An Indian MP, one Mr Yarad Shaadav, recently caused furore by threatening to consume poison if a bill which proposes to set aside 33% reservation for women is passed. This was just the beginning. Mr. Shaadav set the stage for a series of threats, counter-threats, demands and counter-demands. In this exclusive report, we present some samples from this tug-of-war being played out in the Parliament for the past few days.

Mrs. Mane Aka Gandhi has demanded that 33% of the seats (i.e, 181 seats) be reserved for animals. Nothing surprising for those who know her. What is surprising though, is that out of these 181 seats, Mrs. Gandhi has asked for a huge chunk – 100 seats – for lions alone. This has made experts wonder why the lady has not demanded more reservation for lionesses, not to mention other animal species. This reporter suspects it might be because of the Mane in her Name). Mrs. Gandhi has threatened that she will let lions loose in the parliament if her demands are not met.

Star Indian cricketer, Har-dozen Singh has partly supported Mrs. Gandhi and requested her to include a clause that sets aside 10 seats for monkeys. Mr. Singh has also dropped a hint that failure to comply may mean that he will slap the Speaker of the House.

Another Indian cricketer – medium-pace dancer and (make-or-)break bowler Mr. Pappu-Kentdans-Ala (also known as Free-Santh)- has demanded 12% reservation for those backward sections of Indians who cannot dance, failing which, he reportedly plans to torture the entire House by shaking a leg near the well at Parliament House. Upon being asked how he arrived at the number 12, he responded that 12 is the average number of balls he bowls per over – hence the figure.

Noted actor Emraan Kissme, meanwhile, has started a campaign to highlight the plight of bad serial kissers in the country, and is reported to be meeting the President today with a representation requesting 1% reservation for serial kissers. Mr. Kissme has issued the most serious threat so far – he claims he will kiss every female MP for two full minutes if his demand is not met. If this act does not yield any results, he says he will start kissing the male MP's - in the ascending order of their age; and he will continue until his demand is accepted.

The Commissioner of Police of Bangalore, Mr. Pandu Havaldar, has jumped on to the bandwagon, and is lobbying for a 5% reservation for corrupt policemen in the Parliament. This in turn, has prompted citizen groups and MP's alike to question the motive of such a move as there is already a 100% reservation for corrupt people in the Lok Sabha. Mr. Havaldar also blackmailed the public by declaring that until his demands are met, the Bangalore Police will not maintain law and order in the city. This statement has confused the media and citizen forums. Questions like “Whats new in that?”, “How is that a threat?”, “Isn't that the state of Bangalore for the past decade any way?” resonated across newspapers and blogs alike.

This correspondent will continue to bring such juicy inside details for our esteemed readers as the women's reservation bill debate continues and the noises build up into a cacophony. Stay tuned .. er .. feedburner-fed.